


If You Could Have Been...

by Saveourskinship



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27383710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saveourskinship/pseuds/Saveourskinship
Summary: Based on "the 1" by Taylor Swift. A perspective from Draco and Hermione, one year after they break-up.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Kudos: 25





	If You Could Have Been...

**Author's Note:**

> This has probably been done, but I love this song and I liked attaching it to Hermione and Draco. I tried to make it wistful and romantic, I might do the whole album as vignettes of the Draco/Hermione pairing.
> 
> This is meant for fun, and not for profit. All copyrights belong to the original authors.

“The 1”

It’s been a year now, Hermione. A whole year since you left. It was hard but I’m doing good now, figured some shit out, got balanced, even talked to a fucking therapist. I’ve been hanging with Theo and Blaise, you’re right, they are healthy for me. I stopped sulking at home, I finally accepted an invitation, and yeah, I had a blast. I forgot what that was like. I forgot you aren’t the only good thing in the world, there’s many of them. That last day, you did tell me I’d rediscover that when my life fell down without you in it.

You know, I thought I saw you in Diagon Alley the other day. It wasn’t you, it was another witch. I had made her be you for a brief moment. I guess the wanting to see you was so bad. Don’t worry, I certainly made up for the mistake that night, carousing, fucking, you know what I’m supposed to be like. This time I even went out again Sunday, you were taking up too much space, Hermione. You always said my imagined narratives about the complexities of our relationship were overly dramatic. If only I had listened.

But then I didn’t know, really, I fucking didn’t. I wish you’d trusted me enough to show me. I would have restrained myself to see the truth. I could have. Really. But I guess that heartbreak was necessary, right? I know I was wrong now. But that just makes it fucking worse doesn’t it? At least I came out of it more grounded.

But we were something, Hermione. Don’t you think so? The smiles in the morning, the sheets tangled around our naked bodies. The way you would reach up to kiss me sporadically, to surprise me, to thank me, to seduce me. The way you would sit between my legs on quiet afternoons while we read the same book. The way you would fall asleep, how freely you trusted me, the way my heart skipped a beat just looking at your resting face. 

Remember a couple years ago when we and found that fountain? You taught me that silly fucking Muggle tradition of tossing in a coin and wishing for something. The moonlight was shining on your hair and the fountain lights bathed us in pinks and purples. You splashed me and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful than the smile you gave after I held the curve of your face in my hands and kissed you, the water sprinkling over us, our clothes soaked to the skin.

You know what I wished for, Hermione? That you would stay mine, that I could keep that privilege. Muggles know fucking shite about magic, huh. Merlin, I loved you so much. 

Then I fucked it up, didn’t I? I still couldn’t accept Potter and Weasley, I was jealous, controlling. I hated when you spent time with them, you never understood my side, how scared I was that you would come to your senses and leave. That Potter and Weasley would poison you against me even when you said they supported us. I guess I was the one who poisoned us, right? If I hadn’t been so afraid maybe we would be celebrating instead of me remembering alone.

***

It’s been a year today, Draco. I dreamed about you, you were having fun. Fun without needing me, being your own person. You were so worried about losing me, you lost yourself. That’s what made me leave. I hear you’re doing better. Rumours reach me, some people tell me so I hear it from someone supportive, some tell me to hurt me. People who spot you out with this person or the other. Really, I’m happy for you.

We defied all expectation, didn't we? I think that’s what I miss most. We were wild about each other, our spirited debates, how quick we were to laugh, the way you would look at me when I was doing something mundane, smiling like just being near me was the best part of your day. It was the best part of mine. An almost perfect match. And yes, there’s no such thing as perfect and when our back slide hit, it hit hard. We would have been amazing, but throughout history, people don’t remember the relationships that are smooth sailing, they remember the ones that crash and burn with detritus everywhere. And I’ll remember you for a long, long time.

I don’t really know when it started, when you started to distrust me, what I did to invite that behaviour. Most likely it was nothing, I think it was always there, wasn’t it? You know, It’s been a year and I still can’t bring myself to find someone new. Your side of the bed remains crisp ever since I left your place that last time. I just couldn’t any more, but I still loved you. I’m not quite ready to let that go.

Ginny told me that we were really something. I sighed, agreeing. What about you, Draco? Do you agree? Did you know it was 2 years ago that we were at that fountain in Italy? Well, it is. You were so reticent to make a wish, I think you thought I was tricking you into using some kind of ancient magic. I guess you know for sure that it doesn’t work now right? You whispered yours out loud. You thought I wouldn’t hear over the rivulets of water, but I did. Why do you think I stumbled, accidentally splashing you? That kiss still gives me butterflies sometimes. You never even tried to ask me, but my wish was also to keep us, too. To keep us exactly as we were then.

But yeah, a year later and we had devolved, you just couldn’t understand why I wanted to choose time spent with Harry and Ron over you. I wasn’t trying to choose between you, I should have been able to do both. It wasn’t all you, I made a mistake, I kept both sides separate. Again and again. I should have brought us together, maybe then you would have understood how little threat my friends were to us. Maybe if I hadn’t been so petty I could have had it all. You would really like them, you could talk Quidditch and finally have some worthy Wizard Chess opponents. Maybe today we would have been all together, talking and laughing instead of this exercise in what-if.

***

Hermione I have started a letter 3 fucking times already. I keep wanting to send you an owl, asking if you remember, asking if you miss us. Asking if I hadn’t made that bloody ultimatum, if I had tried harder, would we have woken up together, your cat-like stretch pressing you against me? Would we have gone to the Manor to see my mother? She always promised us the ring after 3 years. I fucking hate thinking about it… 

I love thinking about it.

But Hermione, that hasn’t happened but it bloody could have, couldn’t it? I ran into Ginny at practice, she said she had made plans for you and Potter and Weasley. A picnic, wine and cheese. I have to admit, it was hard for me to smile and be gracious while my heart threatened to squeeze me dry. I wish I was there, I wish I hadn’t been so proud when Ginny asked if I wanted to stop by. But, Hermione, I’m fucking ashamed. I can’t face them knowing what I know now. I know what an arse I was. I know I didn’t deserve you before, and I really don’t now. With how I treated you when I was lucky enough to have you. Well, at the end at least. I want so badly to be enough of a decimal point to round up to be your one. You are certainly mine and really, Hermione love, I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Gods, I want to see you. I don't know what to do. 

***

Ginny waited at the top of the hill. Hermione, Ron and Harry were laughing, filling up their flutes with the pink frothy liquid Hermione was so fond of. She still saw the sadness in her friend, they’d been so good for each other. But lack of communication had torn them apart. It was no mistake she had told her teammate where to find them today. She knew Draco missed her just as much, she knew he’d worked hard on himself so he didn’t make the same mistake. Neither could make that small gesture though, they didn’t want their hopes dashed. 

So Ginny had tried to help. She watched and waited...


End file.
